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21 May 2015 @ 08:54 pm
"The Past" - Gackt x Hyde - Theme #14, Cold  
Author: kaiamira
Theme: Set 001, #14 - Cold
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gackt x Hyde
Band[s]: Solo (GacktJOB) x L'arc~en~ciel
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Still.
Summary: Hyde becomes ill during VAMPS' recording of the Beast album in 2010. This leads him to reminiscing about Gackt, filming Moon Child, and a strange moment between them he never solved.

The alarm clock was an insufferable nuisance. Hyde swatted at it with his eyes closed and ended up knocking the damn thing off the bedside table.

It couldn’t, couldn’t really be time to wake up. He shifted underneath the blanket and sighed, eyes opening blearily to look at the stark white ceiling. Sure enough, sunlight was filtering in past the hotel room’s curtains.

And then he coughed.

Kaz had been right; he was sick. Hyde had denied it for days as they worked on the new album, showing up to recording sessions with a determined look and extra water. As if water was going to make whatever this was magically vanish, but hey, he could try.

His body was hot, and yet he shivered. Fucking hell.

Grabbing at his cell, he dialed Kaz in a half-awake daze. Somewhere in between coughing and cursing he explained how he felt, trying not to listen to Kaz’s smug gloating that he had been right all along. Recording was cancelled for the day.

"But you know, you shouldn’t be alone sounding like that."

"I'm..." Hyde trailed off in a raspy tone, "I’m fine." he assured stubbornly, hanging up before he started coughing again.

There weren’t many things worse than being sick in a hotel, which sometimes possessed the sterile air of a hospital. Hyde liked this hotel, having stayed there more than a few times on L’arc tours, but he sure as hell didn’t want to be sick in it.

Come to think of it, the last time he had been sick in a hotel...


"This is ridiculous." Hyde said, running his hands through his dyed blond hair. It was damp, and not from Taiwan’s insistent heat. He was spiking a fever, according to the on-call doctor for the film crew, and needed to stay in bed.

"Being upset about it won’t fix it." came Gackt’s smooth voice from near the window. The younger singer was looking out at the night sky, arms crossed over his chest. Hyde felt intense pangs of guilt that seemed more intense than the raging fever. Moon Child was Gackt’s creation, his vision, and here he was stalling it with something as mundane as a fever.

"You don’t have to stay." Hyde said, rolling over on his side. He couldn’t get comfortable. The hotel room was luxurious, but he hadn’t slept soundly since arriving from Japan. "You really shouldn’t, actually. If you get sick too, Gacchan, the filming delay could get worse." he reasoned, eyes falling shut.

Gackt said nothing. He didn’t even stir. It bothered Hyde sometimes how Gackt could be so still, just looking. Those eyes...

He was dozing just a little when he felt the bed dip. Gackt’s hand pressed against his forehead, the multiple silver rings on slender fingers refreshing him for a fleeting moment.

"And leave you? Is that what you really want?" Gackt asked, his tone implying he knew full well that Hyde was putting on a front.

"...Hn." Hyde just grunted a little, frowning. What was he supposed to say? That he didn’t want to be alone? That the doctor annoyed the hell out of him? That Gackt next to him was weirdly comforting?

He rolled over on his stomach, facing away from Gackt on purpose. They had grown close during filming, very close, but there were still moments where he felt completely... unsettled. Now and then when Gackt looked at him with those piercing eyes, Hyde didn’t know what to do with himself.

Drifting off again, he hoped he could sleep off the fever quickly and get back to work. As nervous as starring in the film had made him at first, he was having fun bringing Kei to life each time he was in front of the camera.

Hyde had no idea how much time had passed when he felt a light, soothing sensation against the back of his neck. Shivering slightly, he realized that Gackt’s fingers were stroking over his skin just barely. Gentle and fleeting, almost like the wind. Somehow it was so much more soothing than the air conditioner.

"I’m not afraid." he heard Gackt whisper. Hyde strained to hear if there was anything else, but that was it. Three words that didn’t make sense. For a moment, in his feverish brain, he wondered if Gackt was passing the time by practicing lines. That was a line he thought the younger Sho should have said, when Hyde’s own character asked about him being afraid. The kid should have been petrified, but he wasn’t. He didn’t understand why at all.

But there was something warm and reassuring about Gackt assuring that he wasn’t afraid. Hyde wanted to smile, but he was too tired. Gackt didn’t seem the type to have fears, anyway. Hyde hadn’t met a more determined person before in his entire life.

Content, he fell asleep.

Gackt was by the window again in the morning, smoking a cigarette. Hyde opened his eyes when he smelled the tobacco, met with the sight of Gackt studying the cityscape again. The younger singer turned slightly, having caught the sound of Hyde rustling the sheets.

He smiled, unguarded. Hyde felt his heart start to pound. They looked at each other for a long time in silence, the smoke from Gackt’s cigarette unfurling in thin ribbons.

"Are you feeling better?" Gackt finally said. Somehow, Hyde knew those weren’t the words he wanted to say.


The memory from seven years prior ran through Hyde’s mind quickly. He realized that he couldn’t talk in this state, but he grabbed his phone anyway and typed out a message like a shy teenager. They talked often, of course, but there was something about this that made him feel slightly flustered.

'Gacchan -

I know you’re busy. I went and worked myself sick working on the album, and I was thinking about when I had a fever in Taiwan. Do you even remember? Probably not. I was going to call, but I can’t talk much feeling like this.'

It wasn’t a very coherent message, but he had pressed send, so it was too late. Hyde couldn’t help it if he was at a loss for words. All he knew was thinking about Gackt taking care of him made him feel comforted, even if he had never gotten to the bottom about that odd behavior.

'Magazine interview was cancelled. Where are you?'

Hyde couldn’t remember the last time he’d typed out a message faster.


"You look terrible."

"Nice to see you too, Gacchan." Hyde muttered, irritated. He’d managed to make it to the door when Gackt knocked on it, letting the younger singer into the room. Hyde caught a whiff of Platinum Egoiste and managed not to laugh. For a stealthy celebrity, Gackt’s scent left an obvious trail.

"Friends are supposed to tell the truth." Gackt responded, tone easygoing. Hyde was still fumbling with the multiple locks on the hotel door when he felt Gackt’s hand on his shoulder.

"Just get in bed. I’ll take care of things."

What, just like that? Hyde thought, but he obeyed and shuffled back to bed. He didn’t even have a smartass remark about Gackt bossing him around, since he couldn’t form one.

As his head hit the pillow, he started coughing again. Crawling under the blanket, he groaned in frustration.

"For a grown man, Haido, you certainly act like a child when you’re sick." Gackt observed, chuckling softly. If Hyde had the strength, he would have chucked the pillow at Gackt’s head. Instead he stayed silent, thoughts turning back to his memories. That night in Taiwan... he’d missed something then. Something important, it felt.

"Have you eaten anything? This place seems to have a decent restaurant. And you should drink-"

"What weren’t you afraid of?" Hyde demanded suddenly, punctuated with a cough. Gackt took a seat on the end of the bed gracefully, though his brow furrowed in confusion.


"In Taiwan. When you were taking care of me. You touched my neck," Hyde said, feeling himself blush, "And you said you weren’t afraid. I never asked you what you were talking about." he said in a rush.

Gackt went pale, as if he’d seen a ghost. He wasn’t one to lose his composure over little things, so Hyde knew he hit a nerve. Maybe it was the sickness? He wasn’t going to back down from this.

"I don’t remember." Gackt murmured, looking away. A lie.

"Gacchan." Hyde said, the word followed by a short cough again. He held his hand over his mouth, afraid of coughing more or accusing Gackt of lying to him, both of which he wanted to do desperately. It took a few minutes before he could relax his fingers, sucking in a slow breath like right after lighting up a cigarette.

"It sounded like some line from the film. I thought it was Kanata’s line, though. It always seemed weird he didn’t say anything out loud when Kei asks about him being afraid." Hyde said quietly, half-speaking into the pillow.

The mention of the film caused a physical change in Gackt, who shifted his posture uncomfortably as if he was under unbearable scrutiny. For someone that thrived in the limelight, this looked unnatural. He was faltering, something Hyde was totally unused to.

"Do you know why Sho isn’t afraid?" Gackt finally asked, moving to sit on the end of the bed. Just like Taiwan. The memory surfaced again for a fleeting moment, long enough to make a little smile curve Hyde’s lips before he landed back squarely in the present.

"He’s innocent." Hyde answered quietly. Gackt tilted his head slightly, a little gleam in his eyes as his expression confirmed Hyde’s response was incorrect.

"He loves Kei."


"From the first time they look into each other’s eyes. He loves him."

Hyde’s throat closed up, somehow so much worse than the urge to cough. He felt dizzy. Gackt was tracing his fingers over the bed in a nonsense pattern, silver jewelry making the smallest noise. He felt both far away and too close to Gackt at the same time.

Gackt couldn’t be saying what Hyde thought he was saying. Rumors were rumors, and Gackt’s little attempt to kiss him shortly after they first met was just a little drunken mistake. Of course. Of course... Who’s the liar now?

"Gacchan, you’re confusing the hell out of me." the older singer’s voice mixes confusion, illness, and the tiniest tone of fear. He didn’t know what was happening.

Gackt’s eyes focus on him intently, too intently. Without contacts, they seem too unguarded. "You’ve been confusing me for years."

The words hit Hyde like a physical blow. Gackt rarely talked to him that way, like he wanted to argue. There was something frightening about it, kicking in the fight or flight response.

Before Hyde could say anything, Gackt grabbed his shoulder and forced him to relax fully on his back. Things sped up, fast-forward, and then the younger singer was looming over him, looking down with those unsettlingly intense eyes. Their lips touched. Hyde tried to move away, but Gackt kept him in place and repeated the action.

Again and again.

There were a thousand burning questions deep inside of him, and the urges to run away and stay in place at the very same time. The line was crossed, and Hyde was panicking from this strange feeling of breaking the rules.

"... You’re going to get sick too." he finally whispered, wondering why he sounded so confused and small. Gackt laughed, low and seductive. His hand settled against Hyde’s cheek, gentle.

"You let me worry about that, Haido."

Hyde didn’t have the strength to argue. He couldn’t, anyway, since Gackt’s mouth was covering his again. This time, the heat felt more like a fever. But when Gackt was kissing him, his mind wandered away completely from how much his body ached, how his head hurt, and that he wanted to cough.

This was medicine he hadn’t known he needed.
Current Mood: curiouscurious